Inciting hordes to riot

Or alchemy, same difference.

I’ve slightly mentioned that these are write-ups from earlier/elsewhere that I’m transferring to a more useful/linkable place (i.e., HERE, FRIENDS) until I’m all caught-up and can start telling tales in real time. I’ve got myself on something of a timeline to finish the transfer process because of certain THINGS I hope to have CONFIRMED SOON, so expect more frequent posting.

(And if there is a Narrator waiting in the wings to provide commentary on the likelihood of the above, please do me at least the kindness of waiting until I’ve left the room.)

In that Elsewhere place I was posting I sometimes received queries about my shenanigans, and even sometimes news that others had joined in on the fun. While it seems injudicious to copy over other people’s commentary for a number of reasons, here is a brief summation of a message I received at this point in my historical journey:

• They made the lip balm! But it was a different color than expected, and also very coconut-y.
• They also made the pearl pomatum, even before I had done so myself, based on the recipe I had shared! But it was waxier than expected, and therefore face-application seemed… unwise.

Below, find my more thorough reply.

The Pomatum for the Lips: An Old Friend

As I said to the Gentle Reader who contacted me: With regard to color, the only experiment I really tried with that was adding colored mica, and I only did it the once. I’ve never tried alkanet (because Potential Liver Problems), and while I’ve considered trying tumeric or similar I’ve largely shrugged and backburnered that aspect for now. However, you can see a bit in this photo the color differences between the first batch (with the mica) and subsequent:

With regard to the coconut smell, I’ve found that I have to be very generous with the orange-blossom water at several stages of cooking in order to keep it present as a scent. While my initial recipe calls for only two “spoonfuls” (which I decided meant a soup spoon of some kind), as of version 3.0, I now specifically use 2+ tablespoons (2 in the original mix, enough extra for the arrowroot, and then… idk, a bit more to Vibe as needed, so it really comes out to more like 3 Tbs). I have notes for 3.1 to up the count to 4-5 Tbs, though we’ll see what that does to the consistency. These days, though, I also almost always make two variants of each version: one with coconut oil, and one with sweet almond oil (as described in the original French recipe!).

And do I have a favorite? No, I do not. I love all my children equally.

More recently (and not part of the original answer above), when I was in London in January I was also asked about the color of one of these lip balms. In something of a panic, I replied that whatever unexpected color was seen was due to my, uh, face. Skin. Faceskin. Whoops! Ahahahaha.

But readers– I lied. Because I had, instead, discovered two important things:

1. Tablet pills will, if kept over the course of even a few short hours in a tin of lip pomatum, lose whatever virtue they originally possessed and crumble into dust the moment you attempt to lift them from their balmy bed– and, evidently–

2. I had forgotten to take my midday meds.

The remnants of the pill were hastily scooped out, but traces of its (very very not natural) color remained, and it was this disastrous palette of poisons that was very politely asked after.

…To the hapless persons who suffered the mortifying ordeal of me trying to play off the color purple as just “one of those skin things”– you have my most sincere apologies.

The Pearl Pomatum: A New Ally

I was deeply interested in what that other Gentle Reader’s pearl pomatum’s consistency ended up being, because my version 1.0 (which I had completed THAT VERY EVENING, so keep an eye out for that write-up) was what I’d call a Ye Olde Cold Cream rather than a more modern facial lotion (which tend to be moisturizing without being heavy, as opposed to this, which is easy to use, deeeeefinitely moisturizing, but, uh, will definitely get that moisturizing goodness on anything it touches, goddamn).

My version came out buttery af, and seems to still be so, but somewhere between removing it from the water and adding the borax (which, note: I did that for Science, but don’t you do it, readers), the mix got itty bitty granules in it– just enough to be annoying. Bah.

That particular night was late May, 2023, and I have none of that original batch left as it was, for the most part, tossed to the trash gods… except one, which I kept for the betterment of society and also to see what would happen.

Much like my lesson with the tablets, I have learned two things:

1. I can now very reliably report that, even when kept out of direct sunlight, that “trick” where you draw on ceramic with a Sharpie and then bake it in the oven to “set” it does not, in fact, stand the test of time. A tragedy for us all.

2. While I have no intention of touching it again, it’s certainly fascinating that, even two years later, this concoction does still sort of look like, well, skin cream. (And it still does not come anywhere close to the horror of the 3.0 falafel soaps in terms of smell.)