by Katherine Crighton
Originally published on tumblr, April 2, 2015
It began on a Tuesday. Aliens arrived, in swirling disco-ball orbs that were very shiny, and started laying waste to everything in sight and more than a few things in important bunkers. Munitions were destroyed; surrender was denied; the destruction of the world was both imminent and inevitable.
The cats of the Eastern seaboard decided, in a group vote, that the humans had finally proven themselves useless.
It took two days for the remaining world chapters to send in their votes so a mass decision could be made. Meanwhile, all polydactyls and calicos were put on guard duty while the remaining population charged in preparation. With so many buildings blown up, there was a lot of sunlight to lounge around in.
It was decided, 32-6, to save the world. If this had been a human affair, perhaps there would have been rancor regarding those 6 opposing. This being cats, however, it was generally accepted that they probably had their reasons.
The day after the world decision was made, the cats all slept for around 17 hours. It was supposed to be only 15 hours, but then the aliens destroyed half of Australia and dropped California into the ocean. Those cats that had been in those places yawned in annoyance and moved out of the way first. The remaining cats decided this was worth the excuse of sleeping some more.
The day after that, the cats all yawned again, washed their faces, and then stepped out of their skins and into their natural twenty-foot tall metal laser forms. With wings.
It took maybe four hours. It was pretty fun for a while, because it turned out batting swirling disco-ball orb alien ships out of the sky and then chasing them on the ground until they gave up with sad beeps and exploded was just as excellent as a feather on a bit of string. And the aliens, it turned out, crunched.
It was all very tiring, however. And they still didn’t have thumbs. After the last ship was completely smashed, and pieces of it firmly wedged beneath some couches and refrigerators someone found still standing in France, they all went back to their respective areas, folded back into their skins, and stretched as thoroughly as they could manage to get situated correctly inside themselves.
Then, though some of them washed their fur, the majority went back to napping.
Eventually, the humans would return. With their can openers. Or whatever.