im a witch i mixed some herbs and crystals together and now my cat knows the f word 

I call bs cats are born knowing the f word

A common point of confusion. In truth, the f word may be said in 69 secret and known ways, many of which are only known to the most dangerous and foolhardy of witches. These range from speaking the f word in the first way, the beloved “fuck”, to saying the f word in the 69th way that destroys all virtue and ignites the fires of passion.

A popular reason for choosing a cat familiar is to learn how to say fuck in the second and fourth way, which are rumoured to grant true sight in darkness and undo falling respectively. Similarly, cats often associate with humans to learn certain secret ways of saying fuck, such as the 13th way that inflicts misery and misfortune as a black lightning bolt of malevolence that may only be taught by a human tongue.

It is to be noted that cats do not need this knowledge to afflict us thusly, only that they hunger for completeness of knowledge and appreciate the subtlety of each claw in their possession.

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